'The Hunt For Red Strawberries' & 'Clear and Present Crafting'
New novels from me and Tom Clancy
I’ve always been into crafting and artsy things – as a kid it was sparkle glue, markers and crayons, perler beads, collaging, stamping, stickers and stationery, beading and friendship bracelets, knitting, and putting googly eyes on things. Then in high school, it was photography that I loved. I guess I’ve always liked being creative and making things. But as an adult, I do it less and less. Why is that? Why are kids encouraged to have so many hobbies, but adults aren’t?
This is one of the many things I appreciate about actor Nick Offerman, who is a serious woodworker in his free time. “Choose your favorite spade and dig a small, deep hole, located deep in the forest or a desolate area of the desert or tundra. Bury cell phone and then find a hobby,” he instructs readers in his first book, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man’s Fundamentals for Delicious Living (2013).
I also enjoyed baking when I was a kid, though it was more centered around things that could be cooked by a lightbulb in my pink Barbie Easy Bake Oven. My cooking skills have thankfully improved since then, especially after I got my own apartment and now have full reign of the kitchen. What have I learned from my cooking and baking attempts over the last several years? Be prepared to fail at first, so be patient with yourself; timing is everything; and, similar to building IKEA furniture, once you understand some of the basics of how it’s assembled, the pieces of the puzzle really start sliding into place.
So last weekend, after consulting a recipe and YouTube video, I decided to try making my own strawberry jam. First though I had to buy the necessary ingredients, jars, and tools. (Why does any new hobby immediately need to cost at least $40? WHY?!)
The only actual ingredients needed are strawberries, white sugar, and pectin (a natural thickening agent that you can buy in small packets at the grocery store). The sugar and pectin were easy to nail down, but for the strawberries I thought, “this is summer, I bet I can find some really cheap ones!” First, I checked my grocery store, where I found them for $6/pint. I should have just bought them there and been done with it, but nooooo, I had to be like one of those idiots that drives around the city looking for the cheapest gas. After leaving the grocery store, I ended up walking to four different produce markets in my neighborhood. Two of the markets didn’t even have strawberries; one sold them for $10/pint (LOL); and then finally, I found some for $5/2-lb. box. By that point though, I’d been wandering around in the blazing 85-degree heat for so long (so much for a nice “indoor activity”), I was feeling quite dehydrated and was practically forced to buy a delicious $7 strawberry milk bubble tea for hydration. So, did I end up spending the same amount as I would have had I just bought the strawberries at the first grocery store (sans bubble tea)? Yeah, probably. Did I get my steps in that day? Also, yes.
At home later that day, I got to work. First, I washed and dried all the jars and canning tools, which would have been a lot easier if I had a dishwasher (someday my Maytag will come!). Then, I prepped the strawberries by washing and quartering them before putting them in a food processor and making a puree. After measuring out 5 cups of pureed strawberries into a big pot on the stove, I added the pectin and turned on the stovetop, bringing it to a boil. Then it was time to add the sugar. Honestly, I knew there’s a lot of sugar in jams and jellies, but just how much there is kind of blew my mind a little. This recipe called for 7 cups of white sugar. Seven cups. I feel the urge to brush my teeth just writing this.
After letting the whole thing boil for a few minutes, I ladled it into jars, still making a complete, sticky mess that, I assume, would have been so much worse, had I not gotten a wide-mouthed canning funnel. Once the jars were filled and the lids tightly screwed on, it was time to put the jars in boiling water for 10 minutes so that little button thingy on the top of the jar lids popped inward, indicating that air has been removed. (I think? I’m no scientist.) Using the special tongs (which reminded me I’m due for my annual gyno exam), I removed the jars from the boiling water and let them cool overnight on the countertop.
WHAT COULD BE EASIER?!
Oh right, just going to the store and buying a jar of Smuckers for $3.
So how does the jam taste?
It’s pretty good.
Does it look cute in the little mason jars?
Sure does.
Did I feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder, after Pa got back from Town with a sack full of sugar?
A little, yeah.
Will I be doing this again?
Maybe in a year.
Next up in my quest to create more things with my own two hands I decided to do some yarn crafting.
I found a cool wall hanging design on Pinterest and thought I’d give it a go. So, I bought a big pack of multicolored yarn and wooden beads online and a dowl from the hardware store (again, why does everything cost at least $40??). I spent many, many hours making this thing and…I still can’t decide if I like it. Maybe? It’s growing on me. Or maybe I’m just growing blind to it hanging in my kitchen. That’s another lesson to be learned, kiddies. Sometimes you spend lots of time creating something and it looks like trash! But hey, you made it. (Does it look like I made it? I know...)
Should you happen to want to recreate this wall hanging, the secret is in the tassels, which I learned to make using this YouTube video.
First, tightly wrap a long piece of yarn ~50 times around a hard cover book, then slide the big loop off the book. In one snip of the scissors, cut all the pieces. Then tie another long piece around it’s middle and fold the bunch of yarn in half. Tie another long piece about an inch down, creating a small bubble at the top. And then finish it off by trimming the ends so they’re all about the same length. Voila! You could also do what I did and put on an old season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and listen to the sweet sounds of Dorit’s fake accent and Camille’s blatent lies while you work. It made for a delightful afternoon, quite honestly.
What do you think? Would you hang this in your kitchen? Well, if I ultimately decide to take it down, I’m sure it would make an excellent cat toy.