The Indoorswoman
When I decided to create this Substack, I needed to decide two things: a name for the newsletter and some sort of theme. I thought to myself, “What do I like? What do I want to talk about?”. So I browsed other Substacks, came across a lovely one about gardening, and lamented, “But I don’t like the outdoors.” That’s because I am indoorsy. All of the things I love take place indoors (watching TV at home, most concerts, museums, eating, standup comedy shows, shopping) and so many of the things I loathe (bugs, humidity, dirt, screaming children and other noise pollution) are outside.
I knew this about myself from a young age. In grades 4-6, my school would arrange for us all to go to Camp Eberthart, a local nature camp, for three or four days at the beginning of every school year as some sort of “bonding activity”. I’d find myself, sweating my guts out in the August heat, sand stuck in all bodily crevices, playing a TEAM SPORT with the sun mercilessly beating down on me. I’d have rather been in prison (it’s indoors!) Other kids loved it and would go for weeks or even months in the summer. Oh, and the food. It wasn’t good. There was even a big metal can on each table to scrape your uneaten food scraps into at the end of each meal. A literal slop bucket. I cannot.
The first summer I lived in NYC, I was reminded that I do not belong outdoors. I didn’t have many friends that first summer, but when a former coworker invited me to watch the hot dog eating contest (eww) at Coney Island on July 4th, I went…and promptly dehydrated in the 100-degree heat, fainted, and wound up at the Coney Island Hospital (a bizarre experience to say the least).
Julie – 0
Nature – 5,934
Many an outdoorsman/outdoorswoman enjoys participating in recreational activities. When I was with my family in Cancan for Christmas about 10 years ago, we observed from afar as people parasailed around the blue skies. Against my better judgement, my dad and I opted in. The thing is, before you go up, you have to sit in a boat way out in the water, waiting for your turn. And, to quote George Costanza, “the sea was angry that day, my friends”. I was in the boat for about half an hour, rocking back and forth, getting SO incredibly seasick. But I thought that once I got up in the air, the rocking would stop and my stomach would settle. It did not. And I found out what it’s like to projectile vomit from 100 feet up in the air, get reeled in early, and then continue to barf off the side of the boat as future parasailers waiting their turns looked at me in horror. Should have stayed indoors!
I think a big part of what I dislike about the outdoors comes down to temperature. I like it when things are 68 degrees (as it usually is indoors). We get a couple of nice weeks every fall and spring; winter I actually don’t totally hate (unless it snows); but, summer…oh, summer. Everyone gets so excited for summer. “It’s here! It’s here!” they proclaim, joining hands in a big circle, dancing around, like the Whos in Whoville. It’s like they’ve forgotten that along with summer comes humidity and extreme heat and city streets that smell like rotting trash. Sticky, sweaty body parts rub and chafe. The subway platforms are even hotter, until a train pulls into the station and you get a brief blast of warm air thrown in your face. So refreshing! And need I remind you that the sky was recently YELLOW due to wildfire smoke? We're just a few people-crackers away from a Soylent Green scenario.
I can’t even describe to you the betrayal I feel when the outdoors comes indoors. Mainly, when I get a cockroach in my apartment, which happens once or twice every spring. My cat Dolly will take interest and follow it around, but she doesn't kill them. Cat, earn your keep! This is your ONE duty as an indoor cat and you're FAILING! She doesn’t care.
And don’t even get me started about camping. Man invented the indoors so that we wouldn’t have to deal with this scenario!
So, for the reasons I have described above, I stay indoors and pursue all my favorite activities with my A/C unit and air purifier blasting.
Give me 4 walls and a door any day.
What I’m Listening To
“Mermaids” – Florence + the Machine
This is a song that was added to her Dance Fever (2022) album when they released a “Complete Edition” a few months ago (just like the original album, but now with 30% more Flo!). It’s a dark, stirring, ominous, and cinematic piece with deep, warm brass instrumentation and Florence’s commanding vocals that, IMO, do not get near the credit they deserves. My favorite part of the whole song is at the very end, when you think it’s over, the brass instruments come back with a menacing warning.
But as dark as the music is, the lyrics make me laugh: “And the mermaids, they come once a year/They climb the struts of Brighton Pier/They come to drink, they come to dance/To sacrifice a human heart/And the world is so much wilder than you think/You haven't seen nothing 'til you've seen an English girl drink/Cheerful oblivion/Cheerful oblivion/Cheerful oblivion/Cheerful oblivion/Cheerful oblivion.”
Cheers, Flo!
“Harvest” Rufus Wainwright with Andrew Bird & Chris Stills
I mostly know Rufus for his “Hallelujah” cover and for “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, and for being the son of Loudon Wainwright (“The Swimming Song”). On his latest album, Folkocracy, he teams up with a whole host of other musicians for a series of duets; special guests include Brandi Carlile, Chaka Khan, David Byrne, and even Nicole Scherzinger (not a pairing I’d have predicted, but sure, why not?) My personal favorite is “Harvest,” which he performs with Chris Stills (son of Stephen – Buffalo Springfield/CSN&Y), and Andrew Bird, one of my top-five favorite musicians. As the album name suggests, it is a folk tune with lots of good fiddle, acoustic guitar, and vocal harmonizing. It’s simple and beautiful. For fans of alt country and folk music. I’m sure their fathers are all quite proud!
What I’m Eating
Chocolate
As I write this newsletter, I’m snacking on small squares of Mast Brothers chocolate. And, man, is it good. I was introduced to the brand about 10 years ago by the drummer of a rock band (the Vim Dicta, which I believe is still around in LA). I was interviewing them in the backyard of their Bushwick living/working space and he gave me precise instructions to never chew the chocolate; to let it only slowly melt on my tongue. I should have married him.
I’ll be honest, I only picked up a bar of Tony’s Chocolonely at Whole Foods one day because I thought the name was funny. But it is legitimately very good chocolate. I recommend the Milk Chocolate with Chocolate Chip Cookie bits. It’ll hit the spot.
Until next time!
- Julie